Until the Whole World Hears.

Psalm 34: 1-10

I will praise the Lord at all times.
    I will constantly speak his praises.

I will boast only in the Lord;    let all who are helpless take heart.
 Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness;
    let us exalt his name together.

I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me.
    He freed me from all my fears.
 Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;
    no shadow of shame will darken their faces.
 In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened;
    he saved me from all my troubles.
 For the angel of the Lord is a guard;
    he surrounds and defends all who fear him.

 Taste and see that the Lord is good.
    Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!
 Fear the Lord, you his godly people,
    for those who fear him will have all they need.
 Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry,
    but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing.

Well, I am back in the states from an amazing journey and experience in Haiti. This past week has been extremely rough emotionally but so full of JOY knowing that in every situation God receives all the glory; I can't stop praising His name. I can't stop telling others what He has done. I won't stop, until the WHOLE world hears. Vivid images remain in my mind and stir my heart to action. I have seen hunger, malnutrition, emptiness, disease, and poverty at its worst. I have experienced young girls selling their bodies just to make a living. I have looked into the eyes of a hopeless heart. I have prayed for the dying and given a kiss to the broken. I have bandaged a wound and fought for the life of an infant. I have spoon fed a hungry child and then prayed by the power of the Holy Spirit as she vomited every bite of food that she just ingested because her tummy doesn’t recognize “food” or “nutrition.” I have wiped tears and prayed for people in their poverty and most desperate situations. All the while knowing and believing with all my heart that those who take refuge in Him WILL find joy and “lack no good thing.” In the most desperate situations I find myself on my knees interceding for these people while praising my Savior for what He is doing. To God be all the glory!  The human mind cannot comprehend His ways but His ways are good, they are right, and we serve a God who doesn’t change (Hebrews 13:8). If He doesn’t change, than the God He was when He walked the earth, He still is today.

It is very easy to go to a country like Haiti and always question “Why?” The sights tend to be overwhelming and if God is a “good, loving, and giving” God then why does He let stuff like this happen? Believe me, when you are faced with a starving child before you begging for food but then too weak to even eat or hold anything down, you break and questions run through your mind. In all honesty, every time I go there I am faced with these questions as well and I have to remind myself that God is working. It is a perspective change. Even though it may appear that He is absent He is there and He so desperately cares for the broken, hungry, lonely, orphaned, widowed, and as a follower of Christ it is our “responsibility” to take His love to these hopeless people so they can experience His full LOVE and restoration.  Through every situation He is teaching me so much. I still have a lot to learn before I am fully ready to step into His full purpose for my life but until then, I will keep dreaming BIG and praying BOLD prayers. It’s so hard waiting and feeling like your remaining in the same place, but it is good, God is just working out all the details. All I know is that everyday He is breaking me a little more for His people, making my heart a little more tender and humble. He is preparing me for my future. He is calling me to a higher place in Him, a place where nothing else matters but to bring glory to His name. This is where ultimate fulfillment is found. Will it be easy? Absolutely not. Is there sacrifice? You better believe it. But will it be worth it? Without a doubt. This life is not about you or me. This life requires sacrifice. The bible says to consider others needs before ourselves. This MUST be a lifestyle. Is this your lifestyle? 

 

Thank you all SO much for your love and support while I was in Haiti! It means the world to me! I LOVE you all and thanks again!! :)

Until they all have homes,

Lauren

Overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed. Affected. Devastated. Moved. Stirred. Touched. I cannot fully convey or express the feelings or emotions I am feeling right now. All of me wants to express in words the sights I am seeing and feeling because I want so much for you, as someone who is reading this, to feel the devastation in this country and the cry for help that will MOVE you/us to action. This morning we returned to the home for sick and dying infants and I don't know what it was about today but I broke. The sickness and devastation of this sick babies, as they lay lifeless in their beds was almost too much for me to see today. The waiting room was packed with lethargic children and moms screaming for any help they can get. Frustration ran through my heart. The caretakers of these babies surrounded a crib where they frantically tried to get an IV in the head of a baby that was fighting for his life. His breathing very labored as tears rolled down his cheeks. As I stood there staring at the baby boy my thoughts ran wild.."Why, God why?? Why do these sweet babies have to suffer? They are starving, thirsty, weak, helpless. God please do something! Hear my prayer!" I picked up a small baby and made my way outside to sit on the ground and rock her thirsty little body to sleep. She was SO thirsty. Can you imagine a room full of hundreds of sick and dying infants that are so thirsty but they can only have water at certain times of the day because there isn't enough "clean" water to go around? Can you imagine??  But through all of this pain, God is there. His Holy Spirit remains so strong around every crib and He is drawing us closer to Him, He is calling us, His people, to DO something. The sacrifice for His name sake.

I felt so helpless today. The "need" is so great I felt inadequate. As a dying infant laid in my arms I had no idea what to do but pray and lift my hands. Everything within me wants to change the situations that are before me but my flesh tells me the task is too great. The more I prayed the closer Jesus was and I felt Him so near. In all this pain, in all this sickness, malnutrition, and disease, He WILL be glorified. His name WILL be praised to the end of the earth, and I will be the one to take it there. Through every sick body, lives are being changed, His Holy Spirit is being made known, that is the beauty in it. And because of this, I will give one more kiss and one more hug. I will wipe one more tear and hold one more fragile hand. Because He IS faithful, I will remain confident in this...that He is coming back and soon, very soon, there will be no more pain, no more tears, and every mouth will have food and clean water. For Him I will sacrifice who I am, my desires, my needs, my time, so that one more life can hear and one more heart can be touched by His love. Jesus has invested His Holy Spirit within us and the SAME power that lived within Him lives within us! We are responsible to take His name to the world.

I will shout it out from the rooftop, I won't be quiet. I will shout His name until the whole world hears. He is faithful. He hears our prayers.

Humbled.

Images from the day...

Beautiful and sweet children at a water stop in Cite Soleil.  

They were so refreshed to have water. Priceless!!  

He LOVED the water. One of my favorite things to do was to bathe them. This water was their hope, their life!! 

This is LOVE.

Playing games at the water stop in Cite Soleil! Children came from everywhere! 

Filling buckets!!

Medical Clinic on our tap-tap. We set up a little first aid clinic in the middle of a tent city. We bandage wounds and handed out OTC meds. So humbling and beautiful in every way. 

This little had a gash on his forehead. Nathan and I cleaned and bandaged it.  As we were cleaning it this little boy cried so hard. Broke my heart in every way, but then we wiped every tear and gave him a piece of candy. His face lit up with joy!! :)

This little baby's mom was so concerned that something was wrong with her baby. Nathan and I assessed him and he seemed ok. We assured her, prayed over him, and left the rest to Jesus :)

Talking through our assessment.

Jesus is so good and so faithful. The joy of these sweet babies touched my heart. 

Jane and I with our sweet babies!!

Anthony playing with the kids at Cite Soleil. They tackled him!! So cool watching him warm up to these kids and then giving tons of LOVE!! 

Dancing!

Nathan and his sweet boys!

To God be the Glory!!

And this is LOVE...

I was so humbled and amazed that almost every water truck stop the children there would get down on their knees and wash my feet. They didn't want me to be dirty. This humbles my heart; with their small bucket of water, they were willing to wash my feet knowing the handful of water is a sacrifice for them.

The children would pull my hair out of my face; they didn't want me to feel dirty or "unclean." I was there to serve but they wanted to serve me.

Spending the afternoon sitting on the back of a tap tap talking with a sweet teenage mother and holding her sick infant. She looked at me and kept saying "Bel! Bel!" which means beautiful. I looked right back at her and told her the same thing, and her face was filled with unexplainable joy; she has probably never been told this before.

A sweet little boy coming and wrapping his entire body around my leg; every step I took he held on tighter. This may be the only love he receives.

When the sights were overwhelming, the children wiped the tears from my eyes. It reminded me that God sees every tear and hears every prayer, even in the midst of situations where we think He is silent.

At one of the water truck stops, a little boy caught my eye. He was wearing a plastic bag as a shirt. We take for granted the fact that we have a t-shirt to wear or shoes to put on our feet. We are so incredibly blessed.


My first experience in the tent Cities...Chaos!

My partners before we entered the tent cites! Junior was such
a great fearless leader! 

Today we went to visit one of the local tent cities down the street from where we are staying. Tent cities came about after the earthquake to provide "temporary" shelters of tarp and wood for people displaced by the earthquakes. It is now two years later and they still remain. The tent cities are absolute poverty and I have never experienced anything like it before. Not only does the poverty make the tent cities an awful place to live but after dark, fear settles in around the people who live there. Robbers and rapists roam about seeking out people who are easy targets in the darkness. A lot of these victims are young girls who then end up pregnant and with child. The tent cities become a very dangerous place. A lot of the children are slave children as well (this is so hard to process).  Before we left for the tent cities, we prepared just a small bag of donation supplies for the people there.  As I stepped off of the tap-tap I was not prepared for what I was about to experience...chaos, absolutely chaos! These people went crazy for one small bag of donation supplies that contained such things as a razor, toothbrush, and a pair of shoes or underwear or some piece of clothing. We would not give the people a bag unless they were in their tent. As I walked through, people were surrounding me and grabbing me from every which way trying to get me to visit their house. They were desperate for anything at all. Whatever I had, they were pleading for. I was trying to focus my mind as I was experiencing absolute poverty: dirt floors, mosquito infested tents. no toilet, children sleeping on the ground. My mind was going, people were pulling at me, and I was hit with the reality back home. The word "abundance" came to mind and as I thought about my "stuff" in the US, I was sick. These people are so desperate for a pair of underwear and fights would break out over such things as a toothbrush. We live in absolute abundance back home, we have SO much and here I am walking through a tent city where their is no electricity and the majority of the kids don't even have clothes on. These people are lucky to eat everyday where when I finish lunch I am already planning dinner. Being in the comfort of the US, we are isolated from the way 2/3 of the world lives. This bothers me so much. And I will work to do something about it.

One thing I LOVE about being down here in Haiti is that all my worries are gone. I'm not on a timetable, I don't have to "please" anyone, I don't worry about how I look or the lack of make-up on my face. I am "Me." I am who God created me to be. When I am here, I LOVE on my Jesus like never before. Its not about me, but ALL about Him! In every situation He receives all glory and honor. This morning I had the opportunity to attend a worship service at 6am in a huge open tent in Port Au Prince, right down the street where we are living. You walk into this tent and the presence of the Lord is so strong and powerful. These people worship their Jesus with complete ABANDON. They are unashamed! They fall on their faces in prayer and raise their hands as high as they can get them. You can see the passion in their face for their Jesus. They yearn for Him. They forget about their circumstances and surrender all!! They may be lacking "physical" things such as food, water, a shelter, clothes, shoes, but they are so "spiritually" rich. They may not have shoes on their feet or food in their belly but to them, God is so faithful! They don't worry because they know without a doubt that God WILL provide for them and their family! It is beautiful. What if we yearned for our Jesus this way?? What if we fell on our face before him and pursued Him above everything that we are facing in our lives? Physical things will not make us happy. Living in the abundance and excess of America,  we still have extremely high rate of depression and suicide and anxiety issues. "More" does not equal happiness; being comfortable is not what it is about. As I prayed over these people and looked them in the eyes, they weren't lacking at all! They don't worry because they know who is ultimately in control of their life :) I closed my eyes and Jesus was so close, I could feel His presence all around me. I didn't want to leave the moment. Jesus is SO good and we can't comprehend His AMAZING love.  He chose you! He chose me! He gave His very life for you and me! The least we can do is surrender our life back to Him and to walk in His footsteps. Jesus was about people. He served and let His life be about others instead of himself. I know that in my life, regardless of my feelings or what I am going through, I KNOW God is faithful and He is worthy! His plan is so much better than my own and I want to commit my life completely to serving Him. I will live if full surrender and I want to live so others can see the Jesus in me. Every life matters. Every orphan matters.

Home for the Sick and Dying

This blog entry is probably going to be one of the hardest to write. My emotions remain high as I try to hold back my tears. I find comfort in the verse below...

As your name deserves, O God,

you will be praised to the ends of the earth.

Your strong right hand is filled with victory. (Psalm 48:10 NLT)

Through every sickness, His name will be praised. Through every malnourished little body, His name will be praised. Through every voice that cries, His name will be praised!! Through the heaviness of my heart and the tears, I praise the sweet name of my Jesus. I know He is faithful. I know He cares and I know He feels what these people feel. Jesus may your name be praised in all the earth! Your hands are filled with VICTORY!!

This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. -John 15:12 NKJV

This morning we visited the home for sick and dying. This is a home where mothers bring their very sick infants when they can't afford to go to the hospital because of the expense and they realize that the sickness of their child is way more than they can handle. This was my second time to go and while I couldn't wait to go love on these sick babies, I was so anxious about the overwhelming sights I was about to see. My experience last year with the baby that died in my hands, still remains vivid in my mind. As I walked through the doors of this home, I knew I was right in the arms of my savior and that through Him I was ready to share his beautiful love with every sick baby and give hope to every broken mom. I know my God is a healer and no sickness is too big for Him. "The Lord nurses them when they are sick and restores them to health." -Psalm 41:3.  I prayed over my hands and asked the Lord to work through them.  We drove up to this home and as we got off the tap-tap, I noticed mothers and their sick children sitting outside the gate. As we entered, I realized it must have been food distribution day for these moms. We passed by a station where they stood in line and waited for their bag of rice and cooking oil. Past the line we entered a room full of moms holding their malnourished, dehydrated, and critically ill infants. The feeling of hopelessness was so strong in the room I had to fight tears. I smiled at every mom I saw and made it a point to touch their shoulder to let them know Jesus loves them. I could see the helplessness in their eyes as they knew this was the last hope for their sick baby. They could not feed their children or care for them and they were trying to ignore the fact that their sweet infant was dying in their arms. They were screaming out for help, but so afraid of the reality before them.  I kept hearing the Lord say, "Walk in boldness my child. These babies need your love. Love on them and pray over them. I am with you. I have invested my power within you." The Lord's peace is so amazing and the minute you just surrender your emotions to Him, He is your greatest comforter. 
In this home the bottom floor is full of very sick and dying babies laying in crib after crib. The cribs line the walls and each baby has a number on their band around their wrist. When you finished holding them you replace them back in the crib that matches their number. This part of it all is so hard for me. I know that this is necessary to keep track of all the babies but it still just breaks my heart. I wanted to tell every sweet baby "your identity is in Christ and you are highly valued and favored!! You are not an accident but chosen!" The second floor of this home has sick toddlers but they are getting stronger everyday by the power of Jesus! I picked up a tiny little girl who was 3 years old and appeared to be not even a year. She was so thin and frail I was almost afraid to pick her up. I reached my hands in to get her, brought her to my chest, and the heat from her body revealed she had a high fever. The nanny's gave me some food and I sat down to feed her. After three bites she puked everything she had just eaten up. She couldn't hold any sort of food down and her body desperately needed the nutrition. I gave her a sip of water and she puked even more. She couldn't even hold down a drop of water. She was weak and frail. I have never seen a baby so malnourished.  
Most of the morning I remained on the bottom floor. Now that I am a Neonatal Intensive Care Nurse, I felt myself being able to think critically and process the sickness of these children. I scanned these children and infection goes through my mind. There is NO sterile technique about caring for these children. I began to observe the IV's and the majority of them were infiltrated and backed up. Very few of the children were on fluids just to help with dehydration when inside my heart I knew there was so much more wrong. In the corner of the room a very sick baby laid in the corner with her mother sitting right beside her holding her sweet hand. She was about one year old and weight 4 pounds (if that). I could see every bone in her body, her eyes were sunken in from dehydration, and her belly was protruding. She was so sick. She was sweating profusely and was so lethargic she didn't even have the energy to turn her head.  She was severely retracting and her breathing was fast and heavy.  My heart broke. She was on minimal oxygen (a very old oxygen machine that looked like something you blow up balloons with Helium) and the machine kept beeping because of LOW oxygen and all they did was turn it off and back on to fix the problem for the next five minutes. As a nurse, I wanted to jump in there and fight for the life of this child and then reality hit me; I don't have the means to help this child, only the healing power of my Savior could restore her body. Back home, we are so incredibly blessed to have what we have in a hospital NICU to save the life's of so many premature and sick infants. It is unbelievable at what we have and here I am in the midst of a country that has next to nothing. I can't not acknowledge the fact that this home is doing is all they can and all they know to do. It is actually beautiful because they are trying their very best to save the lives of these infants and toddlers. I looked at this sweet baby, took her tiny little hand into mine, and prayed for her life. I claimed her destiny knowing that God has her right in the palm of His hand.  
A few minutes later I walked away to a room full of crying infants. As I walked down the aisle of cribs, hand after hand reached out screaming for my attentions. Every infant wanted to be held.  Every infant wanted to be loved.  And in my heart I know that as hard as this was for my MY JESUS cares for every single one of their lives. Their live matters and they were NOT an accident. Yes, they may have AIDS or a product of rape or cancer may be destroying their bodies, but GOD cares. I held two little girls close to my chest that were severely underweight and cried and prayed as they buried their head into my chest. And then I began to sing, "Be near O God, be near O God..." And their cries settled. 


Later into the morning I noticed the room where the moms were waiting with their children started to get very congested. I jumped in and helped triage babies and get their IVs and fluids going. This was hard for me because it was so different from what I was used to. Very limited stuff to work with and these babies were so dehydrated; to get an IV was very challenging. The first baby I had was a very sick little baby girl and every time I had to stick her for an IV I prayed God would guide the needle because she was SO dehydrated and lethargic, she needed fluid FAST!! I finally got the IV and we got her fluid going! Praise Jesus. It was also difficult to watch the way they do things. There is no sterile environment whatsoever and the conditions aren't very clean at all! Infection kept running through my mind and all I could do was pray. There was so much education that was needed. 

Tonight we had "Word of the day" with our team and my word today was broken. Working in a NICU back home and being "broken" for my babies there, it was magnified at the home for the sick and dying. The hardest part was that the majority of the problems are treatable but the infants and children will die because they don't have the resources to help them get better. The majority of their sickness starts with malnutrition and dehydration; breaks my heart into pieces. I do have to say that the Lord has made me so much more grateful in many areas of my life. 


Tomorrow we have another water truck day in Cite Soleil and then tomorrow night we are going to visit the tent cities in Haiti. We will set up a medical clinic in the back of our tap-tap. Keep our team in your prayers as we are the hands and feet of our Jesus. Pray that the Lord would prepare our hearts for what we are going to see there. Every step that we take, we want to exalt Him in ALL we do :)


Love you all so very much and thanks for ALL your prayers and support !!! To God be the glory!!!

"Glwa Pou Bondye!!" Glory to God!!

For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things. (Psalm 107:9 NLT)

Well I made it to Haiti!! Where do I even begin? Today was not only physically exhausting but emotionally exhausting as well. As I sit here, trying to process all that I saw, my heart is broken beyond words. The vivid images that remain in my mind have changed me forever. God truly showed me the things that break His heart and the things He feels through a bucket of water. 

My day began with making french toast with our sweet haitian cooks and Jean!! Making french toast turned into Jean telling me I wasn't beating the eggs right and that I needed to put a little more strength into it!! LOL! He is definitely a pro! I LOVED getting up, having a cup of coffee, a little quiet time with my Jesus, and making breakfast with the most AMAZING and sweet-spirited ladies! They are truly beautiful on the inside and out! They work so hard and I am truly grateful for all they do for us as a team.  

The drops of water the little boys would catch.

We left the house at about 9am and headed out to Cite Soleil, the poorest slum in the Western Hemisphere, to deliver 10,000 gallons of water. Kayleen and I decided to be CRAZY and ride on the outside of the water truck.  I do have to say, I about had a heart attack when we almost ran over a cow, I would have been traumatized for the rest of the trip! But the cow made it out from in front of the truck...ALIVE!!! Thank you Jesus!! As I rode on the outside of the massive truck, I observed the poverty around me. The smell of Cite Soleil was overwhelming. It was a mixture of urine, feces, sewage, trash, and disease. The smell hit me hard. It is very distinct and hard to forget. It was so heavy you could almost see the thickness of it in the air. We drove a little ways down the street and then backed to water tuck down into a little alley/street.  The driver blows the horn and Hundreds of haitians come running carrying as many empty buckets as they can hold. The sight was overwhelming. Tiny little malnourished bodies knew the routine and carried the empty buckets with the little energy that they had left. It took every calorie within them to make it to that line because a "place" in that line meant water for the next few days; water that they would cook with, bathe with, drink, and every drop they would cherish! We attached the hose to the truck and the water began to flow.The people in line fought for their place and all they could focus on was getting their empty bucket "filled." We began to fill bucket after bucket after bucket.  One thing I noticed is that they valued EVERY drop and would beg us to fill it to the very top.  If it was one inch short of the rim, they begged for more. Nathan and I worked hard at managing the hose at the first stop and as physically exhausting as it was, it was so rewarding.  Our backs became tired but our spirits grew stronger.  We had the opportunity to see hearts filled with hope walk away with a "full" bucket.  But as they walked away, they were still empty and trapped in their circumstances. My heart screamed inside of me, "Lord, these are your people! They are your cherished and most prized possession! You love them so much.  Your word says that they will have everything they need in you!" And as they walked away I began to intercede for every heart and every soul, trusting that they are in the father's hands.  As I filled the buckets, a few sweet little boys caught my attention from behind. I could not believe what I was seeing. The place where the water hose was attached to the truck had a slightly loose seal and was "dripping" water. These sweet little boys were so thirsty they had crawled up under the truck to catch every drop in their tiny little water bottle and then they would drink every last drop.  They were so thirsty and their malnourished little bodies revealed their severe dehydration. Back in the states we don't even think about a "drop" of water when here in Haiti, this "drop" of water is what is keeping these people alive.  I was torn and broken. I was sick to my stomach and began to thank the Lord for the clean water I have everyday. Children would come up to me and look at me with their tired and broken eyes, put their hand to their mouth begging me for a drink of water. I have never felt so powerless. I cried as this sweet little girl buried her head into my stomach. I could feel every bone in her body and her chest was so congested it felt like bubble wrap as I laid my hand on it. Her belly was protruding from worms and her hair was a yellow color from malnutrition. I wanted to take her home, feed her, comfort her, and love on her.  But all I could do was pray and look at her and tell her, "Jesus loves you my sweet girl!!" We started to leave and a little boy attached to my leg.  I quickly gave him my attention and he was pulling at his ear. I turned his head to the side to have a look and green pus was oozing out. My heart fell into my stomach. His ear was severely infected. I wanted so much to take him to the doctor and get him help.  In the states this would not happen because an earache would so easily be treated with medicine. The conditions this little boy lived in were beyond me. He kept pulling at his ear as it oozed with green pus and I laid my hand on it and prayed. 




We made two more truck stops that day. After the second stop we took a break and walked through Cite Soleil out close to the ocean.  Every step I took I claimed the Nation of Haiti for Jesus. Children attached to us and we trudged through mud, trash, feces, urine, and disease. Our shoes sunk deep into the mess and at one point I was literally sick. Sick from the smell, but mostly sick from the fact that people live in this. How does this happen?? How is it that I live in luxury back home and these people live in filth? I don't understand? And then all I could think was BLESSED; I am beyond blessed to live where I do and God began to speak to my heart, "Lauren I have blessed you so you can bless others. Be a blessing! Give HOPE. Show love!!" And then I remember that is what I have come to do; to be HIS hands an feet!  

Cite Soleil

I will never forget the things I saw today. For every hopeless heart and lost soul, I want them to know they HAVE a future, they HAVE purpose, they are NOT forgotten, and their ultimate HOPE is found in Jesus Christ.