God's Perspective

To fulfill your mission will require that you abandon your agenda and accept God's agenda for your life. You must say, like Jesus, "Father...I want your will, not mine." -Luke 22:42 (NLT)

My life has been radically changed by a book called "The Circle Maker" by Mark Batterson. One of the things he says in his book is, "God isn't offended by big dreams but He is offended by anything less." This book has pushed me to dream bigger and pray bolder! It has brought me to my knees drawing prayer circles around my hopes and desires. It has helped me realize that "100 percent of the prayers I don't pray, won't get answered." We all go through seasons in life and over these past few months I have been going through probably one of the hardest seasons I have ever been through; the season of Fear. Fear of the unknown; Fear of "what's the next step?"; Fear of my BIG dreams; Fear that I am under-qualified; Fear that I am in over my head. But at the end of the day I circle the promises of God in prayer knowing "perfect LOVE casts out all fear (1 John 4:18)" and that "the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then [His] faithful love for [me] will remain. [His] covenant of blessing will never be broken (Isaiah 54:10)."

Are any of your dreams WAY bigger than yourself?? A dream that you have no idea how it could ever happen? Have you ever felt under-qualified or not worth it? Have you ever felt that you don't have what it takes or the qualities needed to accomplish your biggest dreams?? The dream or promise or miracle that you are praying for may seem impossible, but if you keep "circling it in prayer, anything is possible. With each prayer, there is a small change in elevation. With each prayer you are one step closer to the answer." Keep praying. Stay humble, stay hungry, and keep praying. I LOVE the quote, "History belongs to the Intercessors." My DREAM is that our prayers leave a mark on History!

About a year ago, my eyes were opened to the "true" condition of our world while I was in one of the poorest slums in the Western Hemisphere. I can not explain to you the poverty I was in the midst of. Children running up to me with an empty bucket, changed my life forever. They did not have clean water and as they begged for me to fill their bucket I realized the hope they place in that "physical" water. Yes, they were physically thirsty, but they were also spiritually thirsty. In that moment, God gave me a vision to start a non-profit ministry called Empty Bucket Ministries and I want to share with you my journey up until now. I am no one special at all and if you ask me I am so under-qualified for anything that I am trying to do. I face fear, doubt and anxiety just like you do when you dream BIG and take a step of faith. There are days it takes every ounce of energy within side of me to keep praying. There are days I want to give up and forget everything...but when I fall to my knees and go back to God's word and proclaim His promises over my life, I know I am exactly where He wants me. Is it easy? No. Are there lonely days? Yes. Honestly, if I had it my way, I would be married right now and walking hand in hand with my spouse loving God and loving people. One of the deepest desires of my heart is to be a wife and to serve my husband with all my heart. I long to be a mommy. I never dreamed that I would be standing here, stepping out of my comfort zone...alone. This wasn't my "plan." But when you are in the will of God, His plans are so much bigger than yourself! He is able to "accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20). God's timing is perfect and I believe He is shaping us both and even though we don't always understand what He is doing, His way is always perfect.  So therefore I continue to dream BIG for that one day I will meet my future husband, but for now I leave that in the hands of my daddy Jesus and be a praying wife :) One thing that I have learned is that Jesus cares so deeply about every single one of your desires. He placed those dreams and hopes inside of you and "He grants the desires of those who fear him; He hears their cries for help and rescues them (Psalm 145:19)." All He is doing is waiting on you to take a step. When you make Jesus the center of your life, He will give you everything that you desire and so much more. Giving your life completely to the Lord is one of the greatest decisions you will ever make.

My dream all started at a kitchen table with 3 of my best friends; we had a desire to "Change the World!" Did we have any idea of how we wanted to do that?  No idea at all! All we knew is the purity of our hearts and a push in our spirt to just "step out" into the unknow and start somewhere. I felt a lot like Peter. God was asking me to step out of the boat and trust Him completely. I knew in my heart that if I never stepped out in faith, I would never walk on water and see the impossible. I was scared to death because I didn't know the next step of this journey God was about to take me on, all I knew was the step I was on. After much prayer and fasting and seeking the Lord with all of my heart, I, along with my three best friends, took a massive step of faith and began to research how to start a 501c3 non-profit organization. Taking this step of faith has not only grown me but developed an unshakeable spirit within my heart that "nothing is impossible." I have been traveling to the mission field ever since I was 13 years old and every time God would reveal to me His heart for the poor, desolate, lonely, broken, abandoned, orphaned, and widowed. He opened my eyes to a completely different world and ever since I have not been the same. Every trip developed within me a burning passion to help those that can't help themselves. I want to be LOVE where there is no LOVE. I would travel to third world countries and hold children in my arms who were full of fear and hurting. I longed to RESCUE these children, to restore HOPE, and bring LIGHT to a lost and lonely world. I knew that through Christ I can do anything and that with the Holy Spirit living inside of me, I am empowered; "The spirit of the Lord is upon me, for He has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, and the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the Lords favor has come." -Luke 4:18-19. I knew that the time was NOW and I would begin by starting a non-profit organization called Empty Bucket Ministries. We began by filing papers for non-profit status and in faith, planned an event. The night before our first event, I was praying and God spoke to my heart to dream BIG. I began by writing down $10,000 in my journal of what I hoped we would raise for our ministry that night. But God was wanting me to dream bigger. So I erased it and wrote $20,000. This is how faithful God is; we raised $20,000.31 the night of the event!! Thank you Jesus! And now, after a long process of filling out lots of papers and filing for 501c3 status with the state, I am excited and humbled to say we just got our letter of approval!! We are now a 501c3 non-profit organization!! Only God. And this is where we are today, let the journey begin...

As I woke up this morning and my feet hit the floor, I spoke "Daddy Jesus, I want your will, not mine. I want your desires, not mine." Every single day it is so easy to get caught up in our own agendas, our own plans, that we forget to ask, "God what is your will for my life today? What do you want to accomplish through me today?" We go to bed thinking about what we have to get done tomorrow and we wake up thinking of how there is not enough time in the day to accomplish everything on "my agenda," but what about God's agenda for your life? God's agenda and calling for your life is so much BIGGER than anything that you could ever imagine. His desires for you are the most fulfilling and if you are willing He wants to use you in BIG ways. Your dreams are not too big for God. DREAM big and watch what God can do :)

Come to me as a child

At Abraham's village in Titanyen, Haiti. A very impoverished village.  

Beautiful, sweet girl! Her eyes stole all of our hearts!!

This little boy had such a faith and passion about him! His joy was beautiful!

Pictures say a thousand words. As I entered a small village in Haiti this little girl above came running out from her house and almost knocked me down as she jumped into my arms and held her hands so tightly around my neck. She was filthy, pant-less, malnourished, and dehydrated but her huge smile covered all. In the midst of her impoverished circumstances, he had so much joy. She was so excited to see someone, someone that would take the time to hold her and love on her.  I held onto her tightly as I began to walk down through the village with my team. We came to her house and her mother was there with the biggest smile on her face. I spoke a little creole to her (the tiny bit I know) and she invited us in. She welcomed us with open arms and wanted us to feel completely at home. I sat down on the front porch with this little girl in my lap. This little family didn't have much at all; but what they had, they were so grateful. I peaked inside her little house and on the floor laid two babies sleeping and another lady (I believe was the grandmother).  My thoughts went to "How do they sleep on the concrete floor like that with no pillow or blanket and disease filled mosquitos hovering all around them." My heart broke but I saw such a beauty. The little they had didn't define them; they knew that the only thing that mattered in their life was Jesus. To them, they had enough. No, they didn't have running water or a bed to sleep on but they had Jesus in their hearts. Their FAITH amazes me!!  I began to play with this little girl and through her joy, my life was changed forever. She was so humble and sincere and trusting by nature. She was so full of faith. Whatever I told her or asked her, she believed.  I was reminded of scripture through this little girl. The bible tells us in Matthew 18 "unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as a little child is greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Jesus used this reference to help his disciples understand a point. They were so preoccupied and self-centered with the organization of Jesus's earthly kingdom and losing sight of it's divine purpose. They were wrapped up in positions of "advantage" rather than "positions of service." We live in an attention-seeking world where our view becomes clouded and we lose sight of God's ultimate purpose on this earth. He calls us to be meek and humble as a child. He wants us to identify with children rather than our self-centered desires and attitudes. If you think about it , a child is weak and dependent with no status or influence. We need to take on this attitude everyday of our lives. God is first and foremost and we need to live our lives with a dependence on him rather than on ourselves and what we can do or achieve. All we need is a simple faith in Jesus, just like that of a child. Think of what God can do if you come to him in childlike faith!  By our standards, this little family had nothing, they were "physically" lacking, but by God's standards and the standards of the little girl I held, they had everything they needed, more than enough. God loves and cares so deeply about his people. He is calling us to walk in faith, trusting that He will provide no matter what.
"Reality may tell you otherwise but that doesn't matter because our HOPE and FAITH is in something more real than we can perceive with our five senses."

Until the Whole World Hears.

Psalm 34: 1-10

I will praise the Lord at all times.
    I will constantly speak his praises.

I will boast only in the Lord;    let all who are helpless take heart.
 Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness;
    let us exalt his name together.

I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me.
    He freed me from all my fears.
 Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;
    no shadow of shame will darken their faces.
 In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened;
    he saved me from all my troubles.
 For the angel of the Lord is a guard;
    he surrounds and defends all who fear him.

 Taste and see that the Lord is good.
    Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!
 Fear the Lord, you his godly people,
    for those who fear him will have all they need.
 Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry,
    but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing.

Well, I am back in the states from an amazing journey and experience in Haiti. This past week has been extremely rough emotionally but so full of JOY knowing that in every situation God receives all the glory; I can't stop praising His name. I can't stop telling others what He has done. I won't stop, until the WHOLE world hears. Vivid images remain in my mind and stir my heart to action. I have seen hunger, malnutrition, emptiness, disease, and poverty at its worst. I have experienced young girls selling their bodies just to make a living. I have looked into the eyes of a hopeless heart. I have prayed for the dying and given a kiss to the broken. I have bandaged a wound and fought for the life of an infant. I have spoon fed a hungry child and then prayed by the power of the Holy Spirit as she vomited every bite of food that she just ingested because her tummy doesn’t recognize “food” or “nutrition.” I have wiped tears and prayed for people in their poverty and most desperate situations. All the while knowing and believing with all my heart that those who take refuge in Him WILL find joy and “lack no good thing.” In the most desperate situations I find myself on my knees interceding for these people while praising my Savior for what He is doing. To God be all the glory!  The human mind cannot comprehend His ways but His ways are good, they are right, and we serve a God who doesn’t change (Hebrews 13:8). If He doesn’t change, than the God He was when He walked the earth, He still is today.

It is very easy to go to a country like Haiti and always question “Why?” The sights tend to be overwhelming and if God is a “good, loving, and giving” God then why does He let stuff like this happen? Believe me, when you are faced with a starving child before you begging for food but then too weak to even eat or hold anything down, you break and questions run through your mind. In all honesty, every time I go there I am faced with these questions as well and I have to remind myself that God is working. It is a perspective change. Even though it may appear that He is absent He is there and He so desperately cares for the broken, hungry, lonely, orphaned, widowed, and as a follower of Christ it is our “responsibility” to take His love to these hopeless people so they can experience His full LOVE and restoration.  Through every situation He is teaching me so much. I still have a lot to learn before I am fully ready to step into His full purpose for my life but until then, I will keep dreaming BIG and praying BOLD prayers. It’s so hard waiting and feeling like your remaining in the same place, but it is good, God is just working out all the details. All I know is that everyday He is breaking me a little more for His people, making my heart a little more tender and humble. He is preparing me for my future. He is calling me to a higher place in Him, a place where nothing else matters but to bring glory to His name. This is where ultimate fulfillment is found. Will it be easy? Absolutely not. Is there sacrifice? You better believe it. But will it be worth it? Without a doubt. This life is not about you or me. This life requires sacrifice. The bible says to consider others needs before ourselves. This MUST be a lifestyle. Is this your lifestyle? 

 

Thank you all SO much for your love and support while I was in Haiti! It means the world to me! I LOVE you all and thanks again!! :)

Until they all have homes,

Lauren

Overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed. Affected. Devastated. Moved. Stirred. Touched. I cannot fully convey or express the feelings or emotions I am feeling right now. All of me wants to express in words the sights I am seeing and feeling because I want so much for you, as someone who is reading this, to feel the devastation in this country and the cry for help that will MOVE you/us to action. This morning we returned to the home for sick and dying infants and I don't know what it was about today but I broke. The sickness and devastation of this sick babies, as they lay lifeless in their beds was almost too much for me to see today. The waiting room was packed with lethargic children and moms screaming for any help they can get. Frustration ran through my heart. The caretakers of these babies surrounded a crib where they frantically tried to get an IV in the head of a baby that was fighting for his life. His breathing very labored as tears rolled down his cheeks. As I stood there staring at the baby boy my thoughts ran wild.."Why, God why?? Why do these sweet babies have to suffer? They are starving, thirsty, weak, helpless. God please do something! Hear my prayer!" I picked up a small baby and made my way outside to sit on the ground and rock her thirsty little body to sleep. She was SO thirsty. Can you imagine a room full of hundreds of sick and dying infants that are so thirsty but they can only have water at certain times of the day because there isn't enough "clean" water to go around? Can you imagine??  But through all of this pain, God is there. His Holy Spirit remains so strong around every crib and He is drawing us closer to Him, He is calling us, His people, to DO something. The sacrifice for His name sake.

I felt so helpless today. The "need" is so great I felt inadequate. As a dying infant laid in my arms I had no idea what to do but pray and lift my hands. Everything within me wants to change the situations that are before me but my flesh tells me the task is too great. The more I prayed the closer Jesus was and I felt Him so near. In all this pain, in all this sickness, malnutrition, and disease, He WILL be glorified. His name WILL be praised to the end of the earth, and I will be the one to take it there. Through every sick body, lives are being changed, His Holy Spirit is being made known, that is the beauty in it. And because of this, I will give one more kiss and one more hug. I will wipe one more tear and hold one more fragile hand. Because He IS faithful, I will remain confident in this...that He is coming back and soon, very soon, there will be no more pain, no more tears, and every mouth will have food and clean water. For Him I will sacrifice who I am, my desires, my needs, my time, so that one more life can hear and one more heart can be touched by His love. Jesus has invested His Holy Spirit within us and the SAME power that lived within Him lives within us! We are responsible to take His name to the world.

I will shout it out from the rooftop, I won't be quiet. I will shout His name until the whole world hears. He is faithful. He hears our prayers.

Humbled.

Images from the day...

Beautiful and sweet children at a water stop in Cite Soleil.  

They were so refreshed to have water. Priceless!!  

He LOVED the water. One of my favorite things to do was to bathe them. This water was their hope, their life!! 

This is LOVE.

Playing games at the water stop in Cite Soleil! Children came from everywhere! 

Filling buckets!!

Medical Clinic on our tap-tap. We set up a little first aid clinic in the middle of a tent city. We bandage wounds and handed out OTC meds. So humbling and beautiful in every way. 

This little had a gash on his forehead. Nathan and I cleaned and bandaged it.  As we were cleaning it this little boy cried so hard. Broke my heart in every way, but then we wiped every tear and gave him a piece of candy. His face lit up with joy!! :)

This little baby's mom was so concerned that something was wrong with her baby. Nathan and I assessed him and he seemed ok. We assured her, prayed over him, and left the rest to Jesus :)

Talking through our assessment.

Jesus is so good and so faithful. The joy of these sweet babies touched my heart. 

Jane and I with our sweet babies!!

Anthony playing with the kids at Cite Soleil. They tackled him!! So cool watching him warm up to these kids and then giving tons of LOVE!! 

Dancing!

Nathan and his sweet boys!

To God be the Glory!!

And this is LOVE...

I was so humbled and amazed that almost every water truck stop the children there would get down on their knees and wash my feet. They didn't want me to be dirty. This humbles my heart; with their small bucket of water, they were willing to wash my feet knowing the handful of water is a sacrifice for them.

The children would pull my hair out of my face; they didn't want me to feel dirty or "unclean." I was there to serve but they wanted to serve me.

Spending the afternoon sitting on the back of a tap tap talking with a sweet teenage mother and holding her sick infant. She looked at me and kept saying "Bel! Bel!" which means beautiful. I looked right back at her and told her the same thing, and her face was filled with unexplainable joy; she has probably never been told this before.

A sweet little boy coming and wrapping his entire body around my leg; every step I took he held on tighter. This may be the only love he receives.

When the sights were overwhelming, the children wiped the tears from my eyes. It reminded me that God sees every tear and hears every prayer, even in the midst of situations where we think He is silent.

At one of the water truck stops, a little boy caught my eye. He was wearing a plastic bag as a shirt. We take for granted the fact that we have a t-shirt to wear or shoes to put on our feet. We are so incredibly blessed.


My first experience in the tent Cities...Chaos!

My partners before we entered the tent cites! Junior was such
a great fearless leader! 

Today we went to visit one of the local tent cities down the street from where we are staying. Tent cities came about after the earthquake to provide "temporary" shelters of tarp and wood for people displaced by the earthquakes. It is now two years later and they still remain. The tent cities are absolute poverty and I have never experienced anything like it before. Not only does the poverty make the tent cities an awful place to live but after dark, fear settles in around the people who live there. Robbers and rapists roam about seeking out people who are easy targets in the darkness. A lot of these victims are young girls who then end up pregnant and with child. The tent cities become a very dangerous place. A lot of the children are slave children as well (this is so hard to process).  Before we left for the tent cities, we prepared just a small bag of donation supplies for the people there.  As I stepped off of the tap-tap I was not prepared for what I was about to experience...chaos, absolutely chaos! These people went crazy for one small bag of donation supplies that contained such things as a razor, toothbrush, and a pair of shoes or underwear or some piece of clothing. We would not give the people a bag unless they were in their tent. As I walked through, people were surrounding me and grabbing me from every which way trying to get me to visit their house. They were desperate for anything at all. Whatever I had, they were pleading for. I was trying to focus my mind as I was experiencing absolute poverty: dirt floors, mosquito infested tents. no toilet, children sleeping on the ground. My mind was going, people were pulling at me, and I was hit with the reality back home. The word "abundance" came to mind and as I thought about my "stuff" in the US, I was sick. These people are so desperate for a pair of underwear and fights would break out over such things as a toothbrush. We live in absolute abundance back home, we have SO much and here I am walking through a tent city where their is no electricity and the majority of the kids don't even have clothes on. These people are lucky to eat everyday where when I finish lunch I am already planning dinner. Being in the comfort of the US, we are isolated from the way 2/3 of the world lives. This bothers me so much. And I will work to do something about it.

One thing I LOVE about being down here in Haiti is that all my worries are gone. I'm not on a timetable, I don't have to "please" anyone, I don't worry about how I look or the lack of make-up on my face. I am "Me." I am who God created me to be. When I am here, I LOVE on my Jesus like never before. Its not about me, but ALL about Him! In every situation He receives all glory and honor. This morning I had the opportunity to attend a worship service at 6am in a huge open tent in Port Au Prince, right down the street where we are living. You walk into this tent and the presence of the Lord is so strong and powerful. These people worship their Jesus with complete ABANDON. They are unashamed! They fall on their faces in prayer and raise their hands as high as they can get them. You can see the passion in their face for their Jesus. They yearn for Him. They forget about their circumstances and surrender all!! They may be lacking "physical" things such as food, water, a shelter, clothes, shoes, but they are so "spiritually" rich. They may not have shoes on their feet or food in their belly but to them, God is so faithful! They don't worry because they know without a doubt that God WILL provide for them and their family! It is beautiful. What if we yearned for our Jesus this way?? What if we fell on our face before him and pursued Him above everything that we are facing in our lives? Physical things will not make us happy. Living in the abundance and excess of America,  we still have extremely high rate of depression and suicide and anxiety issues. "More" does not equal happiness; being comfortable is not what it is about. As I prayed over these people and looked them in the eyes, they weren't lacking at all! They don't worry because they know who is ultimately in control of their life :) I closed my eyes and Jesus was so close, I could feel His presence all around me. I didn't want to leave the moment. Jesus is SO good and we can't comprehend His AMAZING love.  He chose you! He chose me! He gave His very life for you and me! The least we can do is surrender our life back to Him and to walk in His footsteps. Jesus was about people. He served and let His life be about others instead of himself. I know that in my life, regardless of my feelings or what I am going through, I KNOW God is faithful and He is worthy! His plan is so much better than my own and I want to commit my life completely to serving Him. I will live if full surrender and I want to live so others can see the Jesus in me. Every life matters. Every orphan matters.

Home for the Sick and Dying

This blog entry is probably going to be one of the hardest to write. My emotions remain high as I try to hold back my tears. I find comfort in the verse below...

As your name deserves, O God,

you will be praised to the ends of the earth.

Your strong right hand is filled with victory. (Psalm 48:10 NLT)

Through every sickness, His name will be praised. Through every malnourished little body, His name will be praised. Through every voice that cries, His name will be praised!! Through the heaviness of my heart and the tears, I praise the sweet name of my Jesus. I know He is faithful. I know He cares and I know He feels what these people feel. Jesus may your name be praised in all the earth! Your hands are filled with VICTORY!!

This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. -John 15:12 NKJV

This morning we visited the home for sick and dying. This is a home where mothers bring their very sick infants when they can't afford to go to the hospital because of the expense and they realize that the sickness of their child is way more than they can handle. This was my second time to go and while I couldn't wait to go love on these sick babies, I was so anxious about the overwhelming sights I was about to see. My experience last year with the baby that died in my hands, still remains vivid in my mind. As I walked through the doors of this home, I knew I was right in the arms of my savior and that through Him I was ready to share his beautiful love with every sick baby and give hope to every broken mom. I know my God is a healer and no sickness is too big for Him. "The Lord nurses them when they are sick and restores them to health." -Psalm 41:3.  I prayed over my hands and asked the Lord to work through them.  We drove up to this home and as we got off the tap-tap, I noticed mothers and their sick children sitting outside the gate. As we entered, I realized it must have been food distribution day for these moms. We passed by a station where they stood in line and waited for their bag of rice and cooking oil. Past the line we entered a room full of moms holding their malnourished, dehydrated, and critically ill infants. The feeling of hopelessness was so strong in the room I had to fight tears. I smiled at every mom I saw and made it a point to touch their shoulder to let them know Jesus loves them. I could see the helplessness in their eyes as they knew this was the last hope for their sick baby. They could not feed their children or care for them and they were trying to ignore the fact that their sweet infant was dying in their arms. They were screaming out for help, but so afraid of the reality before them.  I kept hearing the Lord say, "Walk in boldness my child. These babies need your love. Love on them and pray over them. I am with you. I have invested my power within you." The Lord's peace is so amazing and the minute you just surrender your emotions to Him, He is your greatest comforter. 
In this home the bottom floor is full of very sick and dying babies laying in crib after crib. The cribs line the walls and each baby has a number on their band around their wrist. When you finished holding them you replace them back in the crib that matches their number. This part of it all is so hard for me. I know that this is necessary to keep track of all the babies but it still just breaks my heart. I wanted to tell every sweet baby "your identity is in Christ and you are highly valued and favored!! You are not an accident but chosen!" The second floor of this home has sick toddlers but they are getting stronger everyday by the power of Jesus! I picked up a tiny little girl who was 3 years old and appeared to be not even a year. She was so thin and frail I was almost afraid to pick her up. I reached my hands in to get her, brought her to my chest, and the heat from her body revealed she had a high fever. The nanny's gave me some food and I sat down to feed her. After three bites she puked everything she had just eaten up. She couldn't hold any sort of food down and her body desperately needed the nutrition. I gave her a sip of water and she puked even more. She couldn't even hold down a drop of water. She was weak and frail. I have never seen a baby so malnourished.  
Most of the morning I remained on the bottom floor. Now that I am a Neonatal Intensive Care Nurse, I felt myself being able to think critically and process the sickness of these children. I scanned these children and infection goes through my mind. There is NO sterile technique about caring for these children. I began to observe the IV's and the majority of them were infiltrated and backed up. Very few of the children were on fluids just to help with dehydration when inside my heart I knew there was so much more wrong. In the corner of the room a very sick baby laid in the corner with her mother sitting right beside her holding her sweet hand. She was about one year old and weight 4 pounds (if that). I could see every bone in her body, her eyes were sunken in from dehydration, and her belly was protruding. She was so sick. She was sweating profusely and was so lethargic she didn't even have the energy to turn her head.  She was severely retracting and her breathing was fast and heavy.  My heart broke. She was on minimal oxygen (a very old oxygen machine that looked like something you blow up balloons with Helium) and the machine kept beeping because of LOW oxygen and all they did was turn it off and back on to fix the problem for the next five minutes. As a nurse, I wanted to jump in there and fight for the life of this child and then reality hit me; I don't have the means to help this child, only the healing power of my Savior could restore her body. Back home, we are so incredibly blessed to have what we have in a hospital NICU to save the life's of so many premature and sick infants. It is unbelievable at what we have and here I am in the midst of a country that has next to nothing. I can't not acknowledge the fact that this home is doing is all they can and all they know to do. It is actually beautiful because they are trying their very best to save the lives of these infants and toddlers. I looked at this sweet baby, took her tiny little hand into mine, and prayed for her life. I claimed her destiny knowing that God has her right in the palm of His hand.  
A few minutes later I walked away to a room full of crying infants. As I walked down the aisle of cribs, hand after hand reached out screaming for my attentions. Every infant wanted to be held.  Every infant wanted to be loved.  And in my heart I know that as hard as this was for my MY JESUS cares for every single one of their lives. Their live matters and they were NOT an accident. Yes, they may have AIDS or a product of rape or cancer may be destroying their bodies, but GOD cares. I held two little girls close to my chest that were severely underweight and cried and prayed as they buried their head into my chest. And then I began to sing, "Be near O God, be near O God..." And their cries settled. 


Later into the morning I noticed the room where the moms were waiting with their children started to get very congested. I jumped in and helped triage babies and get their IVs and fluids going. This was hard for me because it was so different from what I was used to. Very limited stuff to work with and these babies were so dehydrated; to get an IV was very challenging. The first baby I had was a very sick little baby girl and every time I had to stick her for an IV I prayed God would guide the needle because she was SO dehydrated and lethargic, she needed fluid FAST!! I finally got the IV and we got her fluid going! Praise Jesus. It was also difficult to watch the way they do things. There is no sterile environment whatsoever and the conditions aren't very clean at all! Infection kept running through my mind and all I could do was pray. There was so much education that was needed. 

Tonight we had "Word of the day" with our team and my word today was broken. Working in a NICU back home and being "broken" for my babies there, it was magnified at the home for the sick and dying. The hardest part was that the majority of the problems are treatable but the infants and children will die because they don't have the resources to help them get better. The majority of their sickness starts with malnutrition and dehydration; breaks my heart into pieces. I do have to say that the Lord has made me so much more grateful in many areas of my life. 


Tomorrow we have another water truck day in Cite Soleil and then tomorrow night we are going to visit the tent cities in Haiti. We will set up a medical clinic in the back of our tap-tap. Keep our team in your prayers as we are the hands and feet of our Jesus. Pray that the Lord would prepare our hearts for what we are going to see there. Every step that we take, we want to exalt Him in ALL we do :)


Love you all so very much and thanks for ALL your prayers and support !!! To God be the glory!!!

"Glwa Pou Bondye!!" Glory to God!!

For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things. (Psalm 107:9 NLT)

Well I made it to Haiti!! Where do I even begin? Today was not only physically exhausting but emotionally exhausting as well. As I sit here, trying to process all that I saw, my heart is broken beyond words. The vivid images that remain in my mind have changed me forever. God truly showed me the things that break His heart and the things He feels through a bucket of water. 

My day began with making french toast with our sweet haitian cooks and Jean!! Making french toast turned into Jean telling me I wasn't beating the eggs right and that I needed to put a little more strength into it!! LOL! He is definitely a pro! I LOVED getting up, having a cup of coffee, a little quiet time with my Jesus, and making breakfast with the most AMAZING and sweet-spirited ladies! They are truly beautiful on the inside and out! They work so hard and I am truly grateful for all they do for us as a team.  

The drops of water the little boys would catch.

We left the house at about 9am and headed out to Cite Soleil, the poorest slum in the Western Hemisphere, to deliver 10,000 gallons of water. Kayleen and I decided to be CRAZY and ride on the outside of the water truck.  I do have to say, I about had a heart attack when we almost ran over a cow, I would have been traumatized for the rest of the trip! But the cow made it out from in front of the truck...ALIVE!!! Thank you Jesus!! As I rode on the outside of the massive truck, I observed the poverty around me. The smell of Cite Soleil was overwhelming. It was a mixture of urine, feces, sewage, trash, and disease. The smell hit me hard. It is very distinct and hard to forget. It was so heavy you could almost see the thickness of it in the air. We drove a little ways down the street and then backed to water tuck down into a little alley/street.  The driver blows the horn and Hundreds of haitians come running carrying as many empty buckets as they can hold. The sight was overwhelming. Tiny little malnourished bodies knew the routine and carried the empty buckets with the little energy that they had left. It took every calorie within them to make it to that line because a "place" in that line meant water for the next few days; water that they would cook with, bathe with, drink, and every drop they would cherish! We attached the hose to the truck and the water began to flow.The people in line fought for their place and all they could focus on was getting their empty bucket "filled." We began to fill bucket after bucket after bucket.  One thing I noticed is that they valued EVERY drop and would beg us to fill it to the very top.  If it was one inch short of the rim, they begged for more. Nathan and I worked hard at managing the hose at the first stop and as physically exhausting as it was, it was so rewarding.  Our backs became tired but our spirits grew stronger.  We had the opportunity to see hearts filled with hope walk away with a "full" bucket.  But as they walked away, they were still empty and trapped in their circumstances. My heart screamed inside of me, "Lord, these are your people! They are your cherished and most prized possession! You love them so much.  Your word says that they will have everything they need in you!" And as they walked away I began to intercede for every heart and every soul, trusting that they are in the father's hands.  As I filled the buckets, a few sweet little boys caught my attention from behind. I could not believe what I was seeing. The place where the water hose was attached to the truck had a slightly loose seal and was "dripping" water. These sweet little boys were so thirsty they had crawled up under the truck to catch every drop in their tiny little water bottle and then they would drink every last drop.  They were so thirsty and their malnourished little bodies revealed their severe dehydration. Back in the states we don't even think about a "drop" of water when here in Haiti, this "drop" of water is what is keeping these people alive.  I was torn and broken. I was sick to my stomach and began to thank the Lord for the clean water I have everyday. Children would come up to me and look at me with their tired and broken eyes, put their hand to their mouth begging me for a drink of water. I have never felt so powerless. I cried as this sweet little girl buried her head into my stomach. I could feel every bone in her body and her chest was so congested it felt like bubble wrap as I laid my hand on it. Her belly was protruding from worms and her hair was a yellow color from malnutrition. I wanted to take her home, feed her, comfort her, and love on her.  But all I could do was pray and look at her and tell her, "Jesus loves you my sweet girl!!" We started to leave and a little boy attached to my leg.  I quickly gave him my attention and he was pulling at his ear. I turned his head to the side to have a look and green pus was oozing out. My heart fell into my stomach. His ear was severely infected. I wanted so much to take him to the doctor and get him help.  In the states this would not happen because an earache would so easily be treated with medicine. The conditions this little boy lived in were beyond me. He kept pulling at his ear as it oozed with green pus and I laid my hand on it and prayed. 




We made two more truck stops that day. After the second stop we took a break and walked through Cite Soleil out close to the ocean.  Every step I took I claimed the Nation of Haiti for Jesus. Children attached to us and we trudged through mud, trash, feces, urine, and disease. Our shoes sunk deep into the mess and at one point I was literally sick. Sick from the smell, but mostly sick from the fact that people live in this. How does this happen?? How is it that I live in luxury back home and these people live in filth? I don't understand? And then all I could think was BLESSED; I am beyond blessed to live where I do and God began to speak to my heart, "Lauren I have blessed you so you can bless others. Be a blessing! Give HOPE. Show love!!" And then I remember that is what I have come to do; to be HIS hands an feet!  

Cite Soleil

I will never forget the things I saw today. For every hopeless heart and lost soul, I want them to know they HAVE a future, they HAVE purpose, they are NOT forgotten, and their ultimate HOPE is found in Jesus Christ. 

Though I am weak, HE is strong!

In eight days from today I will be boarding a plane back to the beautiful country of Haiti. This will be my sixth time to go and I couldn't be more excited.  As I look back over my life and see where I am today, I am in amazement at what God has done. I never dreamed of the journeys God would take me on or the lives He would have me touch. I never thought I would be the one to "Go to the Nations" or speak life into the lost, lonely, and broken. In my mind, I was never strong enough, or worthy enough, or confident enough, but God saw beauty in my weaknesses. He knew that where I am weak, He could be strong. He began to use my weaknesses to open me up to His power. He would watch me closely as I would fear my limitations.  When the demands of the day would make me doubt who I am and who I was becoming, He would reach down to the deepest part of my heart and talk me through each challenging situation teaching me how to tune into His presence and beautiful spirit. He would remind me of Luke 1:37 that says "For nothing is impossible with God." And it was at those moments that His LOVE was more than enough to carry me through. We cannot comprehend the LOVE of Christ. Our human mind cannot begin to even understand how much He loves us. And this type of LOVE I want the world to know. There is nothing like sharing the love of Christ with those in the most lonely and broken places. And for them to have a chance to know, I "Go."

I am reminded of Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 "...Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time He said my grace is ALL you need. My power works best in weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." Paul suffered from a chronic and debilitating problem "thorn in the flesh." It hindered his ministry and he would pray of its removal but God refused. Three times he prayed for healing but he did not receive it. But the beauty is what he did recieve. He received greater Grace from God which grew in him a stronger character, humility, and an ability to empathize with others. Those around him benefited because they saw Gods work within his life. 


When I start to dream "God dreams" all fear is gone! When the Lord asks me to comfort the lonely or give hope to the broken, I'm not hindered by the thought of my limitations. The fact that God's power is displayed in our weaknesses should give us courage and hope. When we recognize our limitations, we depend more upon God for our effectiveness rather than our own energy, effort. or talent. We grow through our weaknesses and limitations because they give us an opportunity to affirm God's strength.

As I prepare my heart this week to go back to Haiti I praise God for my weaknesses. I will boast in the fact that through my weaknesses, God can work through me so that others may see His glory manifested!! Everything that I do, every step that I take and every word that I speak, I pray that it would all be for the glory of Christ!

Singleness

"But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be
perfect and complete, lacking nothing."
James 1:4

Singleness. If there is one question I am constantly asked it is, "How do you get through your time of singleness remaining joyful?" Part of me loves to answer this question and share how fully satisfied you can be during your single years but then there is a part of me that gets emotional because I know that there are so many girls who are missing out on so much because they are just "waiting" for the Lord to bring their night in shinning armor. They face emotion after emotion trying to find their fulfillment in a man. I see it everyday. I see girls who have lost themselves in the "noise" of this world. I see girls who have lost all of their value and when they look themselves in the mirror, they see worthlessness. Eating disorders attack young girls everyday because they think they aren't "skinny" enough or "pretty" enough by the world's standards. Years ago I walked this road and I "get" it. I can relate. It makes me so angry to watch how the devil knows exactly where to attack the most vulnerable part of our hearts. I see 15 year olds having babies at my hospital that are so lost and caught up in their emotions. My heart screams, "if you only knew the VALUE you have in CHRIST! You are perfectly complete in him and no one, absolutely NO ONE can steal that away from you. But we let our emotions and desires take over and control us to where we build our lives around them. What does it mean to completely yield your emotions, dreams, and desires to the Lord? What if we looked at singleness as a preparation for marriage??

"For since the world began, no ear has heard and no eye has
seen a God like you, who works for those who wait for Him."
Isaiah 64:4

"Singleness" is one word that can bring up a whole lot of emotions and cause loneliness to set in. It is a battle that many of us face but definitely a time that God takes us through. God never meant for this to be a season we dread, or a season where our "emotions" control us that we fail to miss the purpose God has for us in our singleness. Believe me, I will be the first to say, singleness is hard, but it comes down to the fact that we make it difficult. We let our surroundings convince us into thinking something is wrong with us because we still remain single. We dread the question, "Are you dating anyone?" because we worry what others will think when we give the answer. When we are with other people "we often lose sight of the presence of Jesus. Fear of displeasing people puts you in bondage to them, and they become your primary focus." The bible says "Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety." -Proverbs 29:25. We tend to let our physical desires to be loved and pursued take preeminence over our relationship with Christ. We fail to realize that Jesus Christ is the ultimate pursuer of our hearts and desires to script our beautiful love story; if only we would let Him.

"You continue to get your heart broken because you are holding the pen of your life and trying to write your own story. I am the Author of True love. I am the Creator of romance. I know your heart's every desire. I want to script a beautiful tale just for you, but first you must give the pen to Me, You must let me become the center of your existence. You must let Me have total control of your love life, and every other area of your life as well (When God Writes Your Love Story, Leslie Ludy)."

If there is one thing I ABSOLUTELY love is my time with Jesus! I love to wake up in the morning, pour me a cup of coffee, and sit on the couch with my bible and journal. God has taught me so much through my quiet time with him. I CRAVE my dates with Jesus.  I look at my life and realize that over the past few years I have grown so much. I can honestly say that today, I am fully satisfied in Christ. I know that only HE can fulfill my deepest longing and at the end of the day, He is enough. Do I have lonely days? Yes. Do I still struggle with singleness? Absolutely! Do I want to fall in love and be a mommy? You better believe it. But first, Christ must be the center of my existence and everything I shape my life after.

I just finished this book, "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy. It is a beautiful book on handing the pen of your life over to God and letting Him script the most beautiful love story. God began to speak to my heart through the pages of this book and I want to share a little bit of what He showed me.

This quote jumped out at me...

"Loneliness is a required course for Leadership." After reading this line over and over again I began to see singleness in a different light. "If God is preparing you to make an impact on this world, chances are He will take you through a season of solitude. In this season you will learn that you can't lean upon anyone but Him for your confidence and when you gain strength to stand alone, even when no one else stands with you." This time is training ground; He is raising you up to impact the world around you. He has to get your attention and it is in the lonely, quiet places where we finally begin to listen. Embrace your season of singleness, stand firm in your convictions, and use the time to find comfort in the arms of your King. When the lonely hours come, God is using the time to give you a strong backbone and prepare you to step apart from the crowd so that you don't crumble and compromise under pressure. He is teaching you to turn to him instead of trying to fill the void with other things.  The more time you give Him, the more you seek Him, you will begin to see that He desires more than anything to meet your EVERY need!

"You will discover that He may be using loneliness to prepare and equip you to be a leader, to stand firm when everyone else's courage is failing, and to live for the applause of your King alone."

There is nothing more fulfilling than living for Jesus. He cares so deeply about you and has your BEST interest in mind. He can do "exceedingly, abundantly, above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us.."He is the pursuer of your heart and desires to be your all in all. We MUST find our ultimate fulfillment in Him first before He brings along a godly man. We have to know that He is enough.

"God will honor your decision to hold out for a godly man; He paid for the treasure of your heart with HIS OWN BLOOD." Now that is LOVE...

"Since He did not spare even His own son, but gave Him up for us all, won't He also give us everything else?" Romans 8:32