I'll Stop for One

Every time I return from Haiti, I am overwhelmed by the amount of orphaned children I see and the conditions with which they live in. My heart breaks for every sweet child that takes my hand, every hungry tummy I rub, and every tear I wipe saying, "Jesus, LOVES YOU." In Haiti, children are everywhere. You can't walk outside without 20-40 little bodies running up to you craving love and attention. They may be filthy, hungry, unclothed, thirsty, but always have a HUGE smile on their face. One day last week while I was in Haiti, I had the opportunity to walk along a river that ran through a very poor village. For the time I walked through I prayed over each piece of land my feet touched and all the people I saw. I claimed Haiti for Jesus! It takes me a few minutes to take in the conditions these people live in as I fight tears that flood my eyes and the sickening feeling that rises in my throat. No sanitation. No clean water; they drink the same water they bathe in and wash clothes in. Naked malnourished bodies. Protruding bellies from worms. No access to medical care. Not much of a house. Rice and Beans everyday. A lack of love.

As I walked along, I scooped up a tiny little boy and he wrapped his frail arms around my neck. His huge belly made it hard for me to hold him. It growled and I knew he was hungry. I loved on him holding him close. His grip was tight around my neck and he did not want me to put him down. I carried him the ENTIRE walk along the river trying to get a few giggles out of him as I twirled him around and squeezed him tight :)

The Lord began to speak to me as I walked. Part of my was so angry at the tremendous suffering these children were having to face and I was overwhelmed by the amount of children and orphans there were. I believe God created the universe and He did not create too many children in His image. I wanted to do something. I wanted to help them ALL. I wanted to feed every hungry belly and get medicine for every sick body. I wanted to bathe them, clothe them, give them a place to sleep, but most of all, share the LOVE of Jesus with them. But God whispered, "One is enough. Stop for just one," because as I do it for one of "the least of these," I do it for Him (Matthew 25:40). He taught me an incredible lesson that day- "To stop and help the person in front of me, and trust him with the rest." I am such a people person and I want to give everything I have and find myself wanting to help everyone and every orphan. I get discouraged when I look at how many orphans there are or how many sick kids or how many starving bellies that I see the word "impossible" and forget who my Savior is. The heartache is too much at times and then I don't even know where to begin or where to start helping. I look at myself thinking, "How can "I" make a difference or change this situation?" The first thing Jesus whispered is, "Take the "I" out and replace it with "We"...You can't but "We" can!" He told me that I could smile and stop worrying because there was one less baby that needed love that day. One less orphan that was hungry. And at the end of the day he reminds me to trust Him with the rest. This was a huge lesson for me because I was constantly facing the statistic's of how many more I'm not helping, I'm not touching, I'm not feeding when I stop for just one. But it is enough for ONE to feel that eternal love!!

I do it for Jesus! He loved me first and I am going to love Him back. Sometimes it hurts and it's not easy but I remember "Do not forget in the darkness what you have been promised in the light." It is my privilege, not only to believe in Jesus but to suffer with Him (Philippines 1:29)

Therefore, "A life changed is worth it, even if only one. God's love made known is worth it, even if only to one. I can't help them all but I will keep trying. I will say "YES." I will stop for one."

Jesus, become my "EVERYTHING!"

I often wonder why when I return to the states I feel such complete culture shock? How can I feel such a disconnection from the place I was born and raised and live?? How is it that it is so hard to "fit back in??" so to say. There are many things that make it difficult...

American extravagance.

Such things as the grocery store. This sounds silly but coming back it is so hard to step foot into one. The variety of choices and the convinece we have here in America. They sit on each corner; they are everywhere.

The clutter in our lives.

The ease with which we receive medical care and are able to get medicine.

The lack of thanksgiving on the part of us all.

While all of these things make it difficult to readjust, the biggest shock that I face is I find myself stepping out of my reliance on God to meet my needs. It is almost like I "miss" Jesus. He hasn't disappeared of course or gone anywhere, He is still right next to me, but I step out of my reliance on Him. Here, our lives can actually "function" without Him and they do. In Haiti, the people have to rely on Jesus for everything. They depend on Him to provide food for them to eat and clean water to drink. There lives aren't cluttered with meaningless things. When I'm sick I make a doctor's appointment or go to the nearest drugstore and get some OTC med that I hope will make me "better." When I am hungry I make my way to a refrigerator stocked full of food and take my pick of what I want. There isn't just one choice but many. If I'm sad or lonely I call a friend or run to my roommate. When I'm tired, I go crawl in my warm bed for a great night of sleep. If I need to go somewhere, I get in my car. If I'm bored, I make plans.

This is why I feel so disconnected. I keep forgetting to ask God to heal me, to fill me, to let me drink of the living water where I will never thirst again. I forget to ask him first for strength, peace, guidance, and comfort when I'm sad or lonely. I have to "schedule" times to pray, such as when I rise in the morning or at night instead of being in constant communication with Him like I was in Haiti. In Haiti, they are "physically" poor and completely dependent on God, but "spiritually" they are as healthy as ever.

My prayer is for balance in my life. I don't want to be so completely dependent on "stuff" that I forget about my savior who gave EVERYTHING for me.

In the quietness of HIS presence.

Where to begin? Well before I start with all the wonderful stories of Haiti I want to share one of the main things God taught me while I was there. This mission trip was definitely different than any other mission trip I have been on and over the past nine days God took a deep hold of my heart and began to recreate it into what He desires. As I was preparing for Haiti I had a plan; I hate to say it but I was looking for an experience while helping the sick and hungry in villages and slums. I prayed for the Lord to place me in life-altering situations where I could give all that I had to help anyone in need. I wanted to be emptied out of all my hugs and kisses and compassion. While He did this, He also had another plan; He has something else in mind. Even though it was different from "My plan" or what "I desired," God drew me so much closer to Him. He taught me to rely completely on Him when I am placed in situations where He is ALL I have. At the beginning of this trip I was at a place of uncertainty, I didn't go with anyone I knew, I felt so alone. I was facing feelings of "How could God place me in a country I so desperately loved and cared for and longed to help and then leave me feeling so alone and abandoned with no one physically to run to??" I didn't have the closeness of having a team or my best friend by my side. I went with a desire to make a difference and in the quietness and stillness of my Jesus, He began to teach me how to trust Him completely. He would whisper, "Lauren, I am in control. I know what is best." It seems like such a simple Christian principle but God is in absolute, complete, and sovereign control. While I felt that I lived in a vacuum of aloneness and impossibility, I had to trust that God was in control. For the past 9 days I was in complete dependence on my savior just like the people of Haiti have to rely in complete dependence on Jesus to provide a meal for them to eat or clean water or healing in their sick bodies. Every time I wanted to run to someone to help make sense of my feelings and cry, I depended on prayer and the shoulder of Christ. Every time I walked through the villages of Haiti and starving, malnourished children would grab my hand and cry out for food, all I could rely on was "God is in control. God will provide." Every time I felt so inadequate to perform any task the Lord had called me to in Haiti, I learned to lean on the Lord for Him to provide. I learned that He has a way of using ordinary, inadequate people. In Haiti God was asking me to reach a little higher while He was stretching me farther, even when I wanted to give up and felt I couldn't go another day. I simply learned to trust Him and then He gave me everything I needed to do the "more" He asked of me. The "more" He was asking was to sit in His quietness and be still. To trust Him when things aren't as I had planned. To turn to Him and Him only when feelings of inadequacy, self-worth, and loneliness start to creep in. He was asking me to step out in faith into situations I felt I couldn't handle. The Lord was teaching me to be like Mary with courageous FAITH and an OBEDIENT heart. She submitted to the Lord regardless of what it would cost her even if it meant losing her reputation and the man she loved. God uses ordinary people. Just like he used Moses a murderer, a shepherd just trying to mind his own business and move on with his life when he watched a bush catch fire and not burn up. God wanted to use him to lead His people out of Egypt. And of course Moses was human and told God He had the wrong guy. God used Jonah, an ordinary fisherman. He used David, a shepherd boy. God uses ordinary, inadequate people to accomplish what He desires.

I learned that I am...

Dependent.

Powerless.

Weak.

Learning this placed me in a beautiful place where I couldn't go one minute without being in constant communication with my beautiful savior. In Haiti I was stripped of everything that was comfortable. I wasn't in the crazy, busy society of the US but I was in a society where time was not important. I was in a place where once the sun came up at 5:45am the main task/priority for the day was to find food to feed the family. And for this the people of Haiti rely completely upon the Lord. I looked into so many hopeless and broken eyes this week that my heart sinks into my stomach when I think about it. I was learning that the powerless, broken, dependent place was actually the place the Lord was closest to me. I was seeing that it was easier to cling to Jesus in the state of being alone and living in a society that had nothing than it was to live in the abundance of America. Although I personally was never hungry or in need while in Haiti, I was in the midst of a world that was and I was realizing I was thirstier than ever. I was thirsty for the place of complete dependence upon my sweet savior. I was hungry just to be in the quietness and stillness of His presence, away from the clutter and consuming society of America. Every minute while in Haiti, I prayed. I prayed over every piece of land my feet touched, every village I walked through, and over every malnourished little body that placed their hand in mine. Knowing, believing, and trusting, that my God is capable of healing much brokenness is all I needed.

And now let's take a journey to Haiti...